Post by 56801steve on Apr 29, 2018 13:17:38 GMT -5
What’s a Hogmolly?
hogmolly
[hawg-mall-ee]
noun, plural hogmollies
a large, usually obese man, playing a position on the offensive line in collegiate tackle football
“Hogs,” “Big Uglies,” “Snack Pack,” ” Department of Transportation,” and “Legion of Room” are terms of endearment for the big fellas in the trenches.
****But it was Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit who created the penultimate compliment an offensive line might ever receive, “Hogmolly.”
Photo by Whole Hog Sports
Hogmollies are speed rushers’ worst nightmares, they eat blitzing linebackers for breakfast, and they rudely teach those pesky cornerbacks not to stand around the pile. They propel gazelle-like tailbacks to stardom and help quarterbacks’ mothers sleep peacefully at night. Hogmollies are unselfish, except in the chow line. They never yearn to see their names in lights, and if they hear their numbers resonate throughout a restless stadium then it usually means they have messed up. Hogmollies live for pancakes and 4th down & 1. They can only dream that one day their number will be called or that they will be lucky enough to pounce on a fumble somewhere in the vicinity of the end zone and record an elusive touchdown. Warning: fat boy touchdowns may lead to really bad end zone dances, chest bumping casualties, increased oxygen consumption, and bigger & badder “fish” tales in perpetuity.
Off the field, hogmollies are some of the smartest, friendliest, selfless, most loyal, fun, and protective beings to have ever walked erect upright. Some are avid outdoorsmen constantly hunting that trophy buck. Others are casanovas hunting a trophy wife. Want to have the night of your life? Go bar hoppin’ with a hogmolly. Need a wingman to run interference? Take a hogmolly. Need some religion in your life? Attend church with a hogmolly. Need to pass that Calculus test? Study with a hogmolly. Can’t pass Organic Chemistry? Change your major. Want to discover the finest buffets in town? Go out to dinner with a hogmolly. Hogmollies will always have your back. While it is rare for them to throw the first punch, they will damn sure finish a fight.
When the game is over, hogmollies become trophy husbands, winning coaches, successful businessmen, doctors, community leaders, and loving fathers. While some have slimmed down to facilitate a healthier lifestyle, the spirit of a hogmolly remains.
hogmolly
[hawg-mall-ee]
noun, plural hogmollies
a large, usually obese man, playing a position on the offensive line in collegiate tackle football
“Hogs,” “Big Uglies,” “Snack Pack,” ” Department of Transportation,” and “Legion of Room” are terms of endearment for the big fellas in the trenches.
****But it was Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit who created the penultimate compliment an offensive line might ever receive, “Hogmolly.”
Photo by Whole Hog Sports
Hogmollies are speed rushers’ worst nightmares, they eat blitzing linebackers for breakfast, and they rudely teach those pesky cornerbacks not to stand around the pile. They propel gazelle-like tailbacks to stardom and help quarterbacks’ mothers sleep peacefully at night. Hogmollies are unselfish, except in the chow line. They never yearn to see their names in lights, and if they hear their numbers resonate throughout a restless stadium then it usually means they have messed up. Hogmollies live for pancakes and 4th down & 1. They can only dream that one day their number will be called or that they will be lucky enough to pounce on a fumble somewhere in the vicinity of the end zone and record an elusive touchdown. Warning: fat boy touchdowns may lead to really bad end zone dances, chest bumping casualties, increased oxygen consumption, and bigger & badder “fish” tales in perpetuity.
Off the field, hogmollies are some of the smartest, friendliest, selfless, most loyal, fun, and protective beings to have ever walked erect upright. Some are avid outdoorsmen constantly hunting that trophy buck. Others are casanovas hunting a trophy wife. Want to have the night of your life? Go bar hoppin’ with a hogmolly. Need a wingman to run interference? Take a hogmolly. Need some religion in your life? Attend church with a hogmolly. Need to pass that Calculus test? Study with a hogmolly. Can’t pass Organic Chemistry? Change your major. Want to discover the finest buffets in town? Go out to dinner with a hogmolly. Hogmollies will always have your back. While it is rare for them to throw the first punch, they will damn sure finish a fight.
When the game is over, hogmollies become trophy husbands, winning coaches, successful businessmen, doctors, community leaders, and loving fathers. While some have slimmed down to facilitate a healthier lifestyle, the spirit of a hogmolly remains.